Planning for the Best Time of Your Life

 

Some folks think that making Advance Plans is unnecessary and prefer to leave it for a day when they can’t avoid the topic any longer. Unfortunately, the majority of the adult population of the United States never got around to making any Advanced Plans until it was too late. They did not get to voice any opinion on how their children were cared for, how their health care was handled, how their estate was passed on or how their final disposition took place. Why do the adults in our country spend so much time raising a family, planning for their future and building relationships, but so little time making out Advance Plans that could enhance or protect the precious things for which they have worked so hard?

 

A few minutes of your time and a few dollars invested with an experienced attorney will free your mind to enjoy the best days of your life, whether those days are spent raising a family, building a future with a loved one, experiencing a great career or planning and enjoying a fantastic retirement. No matter where you are in your life’s journey, you will be able to enjoy it more if you make out a set of Advanced Plans.

 

Lee and I made out our first Advance Plans when our children were born. While we were both healthy and expected to care for our children until they were grown into adulthood, we did not want strangers to care for our kids if something happened to both of us. Nor did we want the court to decide which relative or relatives to place the kids with.

 

As our children grew, we saw the need to make small changes in our Advance Plans as our close family members and friends grew older. A relative who might be able to care for 3 children at age 60 may not be the best choice 10 years later.

 

When our kids became young adults and began families of their own, they began asking us about our Advance Plans as they did not want the total responsibility of figuring things out for themselves if they were suddenly cast into the role of caregiver or estate custodian.

 

Lee and I were fortunate to have two excellent models on how to plan for the best time of our lives. My parents! When Mom and Dad elected to move to Kingsport from their retirement home in Florida, there was an urgency to their move. Dad was having a severe health problem and needed to be near family and good medical care. Mom and Dad made a critical step in Advance Planning by moving into the Baysmont retirement community. Soon after, they updated their Advance Plans with the help of a local attorney so that their wishes were properly reflected in these important documents. They also visited a local funeral home and made up a general outline of what they wanted to be done at the end of their days on earth.

 

Once these plans were made, Mom and Dad continued to have the time of their lives. Dad was with us for another 20 years, playing golf until he was 94. Mom is still enjoying sharing emails with one great grandchild, eight grandchildren and numerous cousins and friends of many years. She knits caps for new babies in the Stitch & Pray Ministry and also makes out return address labels for new residents at Baysmont. At 95, Mom has slowed down a bit, but she has not had to worry once about advanced planning. She and Dad made their plans clear two decades ago so they could continue to enjoy the best time of their lives.

 

What a wonderful gift to our family!  Mom and Dad felt enough about each other and us that they were willing to tell us, in writing, what they wanted us to do if they got sick and could not speak for themselves or if they reached the end of life. When our kids asked us to do the same for them, it was pretty easy. We had a good model to follow.

 

Advance Plans usually consist of four legal documents. These are Power of Attorney, Power of Attorney for Health Care, Living Will and Will. In addition to these important legal documents, I encourage you to prepare two more documents that will free your mind for the best days ahead. These are a list of property that you wish to go to specific persons, usually family members, and an outline of your wishes for your final plans. Final plans should cover your wishes on a Memorial or Funeral Service and disposition of your body. Your plans can be as general or as specific as you desire. If there is something that is important to you, put it in writing. Don’t expect your family to figure it out for themselves when they only have a few hours to make decisions at a very emotional time.  

 

While your funeral wishes and property disposition can be placed in your Will, it may be best to have these in separate, signed and dated documents. These two areas are more likely to change as time passes and family relationships are altered. Just remember to sign and date each issue of these documents.

 

Last, be sure and give an “original” of each of these documents to a trusted friend or family member who can make them available if you are unable to speak for yourself. While it is appropriate for these documents to be kept in a safe deposit box, it may not be possible to get permission to remove them in time when they are suddenly needed. Keep an original in the deposit box, but have another original more readily available.

 

Let’s take a closer look at making final plans. Some of the major points to consider are: type of interment, visitation before the service, and the last service(s). If you want your body to be made available for transplants or medical research, that will influence a number of other decisions. If you prefer cremation, that will normally eliminate the need for embalming. If you wish your ashes to be scattered somewhere, that may eliminate the need for purchasing a final resting place. If you wish the body to be viewed before the final service, that will require a number of additional decisions. Will there be a Memorial Service, a Funeral Service, a Wake or a Graveyard Service or none of the above?

 

Some of these decisions will be influenced by family tradition and/or economics. A desire to live more in harmony with nature is also having an impact on final plans. A traditional plan involving embalming, viewing of the body and burial in a cemetery probably has the most negative impact on nature. It is usually the most costly. . The National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) estimates the current average cost of a funeral with traditional methods (including embalming, body transport and casket) is close to $7,400. A cemetery plot, headstone and opening and closing fees can add $4,000 to 8,000 to the funeral cost.  A plan involving cremation and inurn ment of the ashes is likely to be the least expensive plan as well as having the least impact on the environment. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) estimates the crematory fee, a memorial service and inexpensive urn cost about $1,400.  Inurnment in a church columbarium costs from $1,000 to 2,000 per couple in our area.

 

Mom and Dad spent many of their retirement summers in a cottage on an island in Georgian Bay. Our family often joined them for several weeks each summer. It was a magical place for all our children. My parents told us they wished to be cremated and their ashes spread on the water around the island. Our family had no “family cemetery” plot that was sacred ground for either the Cornells or Sutherlands. There was no particular tradition that we felt had to be followed. So my brothers and I agreed that we would follow these wishes. Quite a few years passed after Mom and Dad told us their wishes and my parents were no longer so enthusiastic about being sprinkled around the island.  When our church announced plans to build a columbarium, it was an answer to prayer for my parents. They were one of the first families to purchase a niche. Lee and I felt this was a great solution for us too, one that would meet with the approval of our kids since they were raised in this church.

 

Cremation and inurnment or spreading of ashes has been part of the Christian tradition for centuries. The practice became less common during the Civil War as many bodies had to be embalmed for transport home.  Until the 20th century, embalmment was not an expensive procedure. In recent years, the cost of a traditional funeral service and burial has risen considerably.

 

The NFDA expects cremation to be about 40% of final disposition plans in 2010, up from a few percent not many years ago. They estimate it will rise to about 60% by 2025, driven by both economic issues as well as changes in our culture.

 

First Broad Street’s Courtyard Columbarium currently has two cabinets, with each having 48 niches. A niche can hold one or two urns. To date, we have “sold” about 55 of the 96 niches. There is space at the bottom of each cabinet for additional niches if demand warrants. There is also space on the Sanctuary wall for two more identical cabinets, if we fill the existing units. Currently, we charge $1,000 for each niche. This fee includes up to two brass urns to hold ashes as well as a brass name plate on the outside of the niche. The name plate contains the name of the deceased and their date of birth and death. The fee includes perpetual care of the urns. There are no extra charges for placing the remains in the niche. The fee entitles the owner to have urns placed in their designated niche and to receive perpetual care for the urns. The church retains ownership of the columbaria and is responsible for maintaining them.

 

Our Courtyard Columbarium is managed by the Columbarium Committee. This Committee was first formed in June, 2004 to study the possibility of constructing a columbarium at our church. After the construction of the columbarium was approved by the Church Leadership Council on September 12, 2005, the Committee’s focus turned to selling the niches and preparing to install the columbaria cabinets. After the cabinets were installed in August of 2008, the Committee began maintaining the Courtyard in a manner that is appropriate for its sacred purpose. The Courtyard use policy that was adopted by the Trustees makes the Courtyard available to other church programs that are in keeping with the Columbarium. The Courtyard is often decorated at Christmas or as part of the Flower Festival. Coffee is served in summer months. Small receptions can also he held as well as other typical church functions such as a wedding reception or inurnment service.

 

The Columbarium Committee arranges for seasonal flowers to be placed in eight urns for summer, fall, winter and spring. Hardy plants and shrubs grow in large urns and planters, along with two lovely Japanese maples. Currently, there are three park benches in the Courtyard and two picnic tables with chairs, providing seating for small groups.

 

If an inurnment service is held in the Courtyard, the church staff can provide folding chairs for up to about 20 people and one or two 3 foot columns that can hold an urn and photo of the loved one.  The columns can be made into a small table with table cloth to hold an urn, picture and flowers.

 

First Broad Street’s Columbarium is available to inurn current and past members of our church and our members’ loved ones. Current and past Ministers of our church and their loved ones are also eligible.

 

At present, there are about 8 church columbaria available to serve members and clergy in the Kingsport area. One church has an open columbarium, available to anyone who wishes to be served.

 

Our Columbarium does not currently have a Memorial Fund, but we are open to establishing one if anyone wishes to make a contribution to it. There are three areas that could be funded by Memorials – flowers, plants and shrub replacements and financial support for eligible members or clergy who can not afford to purchase a niche. Memorial gifts could also be used to replace the park benches or picnic tables as current ones wear out.

 

It is comforting to be part of a church that provides for our needs in all stages of our life’s journey. We can be baptized in the faith when we are born, receive Christian education as we mature, can be married in our church, nurtured in the faith as we grow, and last, rest from our labors when our work on earth is done.

 

If you have not given yourself and your families the gift of Advanced Planning as you enter the best years of your life, do it now. Prepare for living!